The Heli-Ski Blog

10 Heliski Jokes for Next Season's Pickups

Posted by Topher Donahue on Jun 9, 2011 7:32:00 AM

While heliskiing, there are inevitably a few delays; at the pickup, when someone is looking for a lost ski, while the helicopter that has gone for fuel, or waiting for a fog bank to pass so the helicopter can fly again.  To pass the time, telling jokes has become a big part of the heliski culture. 

smiling helicopter jokes

To give you committed Heliski Blog readers an edge-up on the other heliskiers next season, here are 10 ski and snowboard jokes for next season that might even make the helicopter smile:

On the first day of her vacation, a woman fell and broke her leg. As the doctor examined her, she moaned, "Why couldn't this have happened on my last day of skiing?" He looked up. "This IS your last day of skiing."

From the Sports Joke Cafe:

A woman and her husband decided to go on a skiing trip one weekend. They rode the ski lift to the top of the mountain, and were preparing to go down. The woman suddenly announced that she needed to use the restroom, and NOW. Her husband told her that since the coast was clear, she could just hide behind a tree and go. Well, the woman had her pants down around her ankles when she suddenly began going down the mountain. She hit a tree on the way down and broke her leg and her arm and had several other bumps and bruises. When she awoke at the hospital, she was surprised to see another man who was dressed in a skiing outfit and also looked as if he had been in a skiing accident. The woman was very curious about this man, so she asked him what happen. You'll never believe it, he told her. I was just skiing down the mountain, and a woman went by with her pants around her ankles, and I crashed into a bush.

Q: What's the difference between a government bond and a ski bum?
 A: government bond will eventually mature and make money.

From Amenta:

Q: A car has five snowboarders in the back seat; what do you call the driver? A: Sheriff

From Epicski:

Q: How do you become a millionaire as a professional skier?
  A: Start out a billionaire.

From Ski My Best:

Q: Why are most snowboard jokes one-liners?
  A: So the skiers can understand them!

Q: What do you say to a ski instructor in a three piece suit?  A: "Will the defendant please rise...."! 

Q: On a date, what does a ski instructor say after the first hour? A: "That's enough talk about me; now let's talk about skiing."

This skier walks into a bar at the ski area and says "Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboarder joke?"
The bartender says, "Well, I'm a snowboarder, the guy on your left is a snowboarder, same with the guy on your right, and a couple of folks behind you as well!" 
So the skier says "Ok, I'll tell it a little more slowly then."

Q: How do you know there’s a Mountain Guide at the bar?  A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

Anyone out there have another one to add to the list of heliski jokes?

Topics: Skiing, For Fun, Best of, Guides, Snowboarding